Here we go again:

This is really old, but still really funny

WHAT HAPPENED WHILE I WAS IN CHICAGO:

So my buddy, wanted to drink with his girlfriend on Friday; she had never drank before and wanted to try it out before she goes to college. Of course being the wonderful, generous person I am, I went to Chicago.

So he goes out and gets a couplr six-packs of girly beverages, which he also drinks because he is secretly a woman and he hates beer. While he is pulling the drinks out of the car, the cops manage to drive by. Being a pussy and easily startled, he sets the drinks back in the trunk and stands there with the car, looking stupid and very suspicious.
When the cops drive by, WITHOUT STOPPING (apparently they do have better things to do than busting kids for drinking a little) he finally takes the the beverages inside the house. Walking into the house the first thing he sees is an old alum and his wife, getting a tour of the house. (for clarification I live in a fraternity house.) Wagon, who had actually purchased the drinks is the first to react with, " Quick! go up the closest stairs!."
So Smurf runs up the stairs and drops the box of girly drinks in my room. I was about to leave for Chicago, and I dont like girly drinks so I let him use my fridge.

Later in the night when the girlfriend and some of her friends came by the house to drink, a few of the other guys were around. Smurf gives his girl a Smirnoff Twisted, and other such drinks to the friends. The friends join the guys to play some kings. During this time a few more of Smurf's friends show up, everyone is drinking pretty heavily. The girlfriend however is still sipping on the same first goddam Smirnoff Twisted. This has been going on for like an hour. The whole time she keeps babbling about how she is not drunk, the way most novice drinkers do. Of course everyone else is thinking, "no shit you're not drunk, you had half a fucking smirnoff." The girlfriend gets up to go the bathroom, at which point it becomes very apparant that she is indeed drunk. She has only drank HALF of the drink at this point. She makes a very uncoordinated walk to the bathroom with Smurf guiding her. As she is about to pee, she suddenly turns. Smurf seeing the inevitable tries to point her toward the toliet as she begins to and vomit uncontrollably. She still misses the toliet, and in her words: "shit... who knew i could vomit sooo much.. so fast?" As this is going on, two of the other guys come into the bathroom and begin shotgunning beers. After the girlfriend has vomited out the half beverage, her dinner, and part of her small intestine she is sitting on the bathroom couch in recovery (we live in the lap of luxory and do indeed have a couch in the bathroom.)
During this time a couple of the guys come in to piss. The girlfriend who has been asking random questions all night begins to heckle them. The first guy jokes with her saying "oow the pressure is on" and pisses. The second guy, Jim, is not so comfortable with this. He suffers from a bit of stage fright and is further bewildered when the girlfriend comments, "girls can pee while talking, why can't you?" The girlfriend continues to babble and eventually Jim is forced to find another bathroom in which to relieve himself. Smurf then took his girlfriend home after Jim dubbed her "the eighth wonder of the world". None of them had ever seen some get so drunk from drinking such a little amount. It was almost miraculous.


After that everyone kind of dispersed or something.
I don't know, I wasn't there.